Secret #22 Bookstore

Every time I go to Barnes and Noble I take a deep breath and inhale that lovely new book smell and say, "Oh, if I could live in a bookstore my whole life, I would." and I mean it. I love going to the bookstore. Usually I do one of two things. Either I will find a book or two really quick and grab a chair and read for a bit (these are usually short books or graphic novels or humor books), or I will spend time browsing through all the books and taking pictures with my camera phone of the ones I'm considering buying. The pictures allow me to think about the books for a few days and if I still want it I will buy it or add it to my amazon wish list. Anyway, I usually end up spending 2 to 3 hours and no money in the store. I just love the smell, feel, and experience of brand new books. Libraries just cannot compete for me.

p.s. the books in the pictures are all books that I would love to have.

Secret #21 Head Gear

I hate wearing hats! (let alone bandannas) I hate how they ruin your hair, how they make your head so hot, and how bad they look on me. I've just never loved having something on my head. I only wear them to protect my head from sunburns. (I often forget to even wear it for those) Now, people tell me that I look okay with a hat, but I cannot stand to put them on... Oh and I forgot that when I wear my Tilly hat I look even more like my dad. In fact, one time I was going to a family picnic and some of my nieces and nephews came running for me saying, "look! It's Grandpa! Grandpa's here." It sort of freaked me out.

Secret #20 My Dad

My Father intrigues me so much. I wish I could observe him in his natural setting without having to engage him. I'd be like that women who studied gorillas (I forgot her name), just weirder. Now, do not get me wrong, I think he is one of the greatest men that I know, but he is also one of the most peculiar. He has so many quirks. For instance, he rarely wears shoes. Usually he walks around in socks and sandals. And unlike me, he is a natural introvert and can spend a lot of time by himself and not mind. He sometimes does the strangest things though....oh the stories I could tell. He is so weird, but I love him anyway.

p.s. I'm going on a vacation for the weekend. I'll be back soon.

Secret #19 Wipers

I cannot stand the sound that windshield wipers make when the windshield is not wet. It is my biggest personal pet peeve when driving. I would rather wait till the windshield is wet enough and then wipe manually than depend on my automated wipers to do the job for me. It is one of the top three worst sounds in the world. It's up there with scratching chalkboards and rubbing Styrofoam together. Ugh! Just thinking about those sounds gives me the chills.

Secret #18 Secret Secrets

"Secret secrets are no fun...Secret secrets hurt someone"

So I've been hesitant to put this out there, but I feel I need to confess that I am extremely bugged that hardly anyone comments on my blog. I understand that it's easy to just read the blog and think about it and go on with your life, but I feel left out when you do that. I'm not only bothered by the lack of comments, but I'm developing this paranoia about whether people are even reading the blog or not. I feel like I have to instigate talk about my blog, even with people I know who've read it. Now, I want to thank those who have commented and those I've talked to. I appreciate you. I guess I was hoping this would be more of a conversation piece than it turned out to be. Anyway, I feel a little awkward having now posted this....but I guess I am that vain.

Secret #17 Fire

For those of you who don't know, my family loves to have a huge bonfire every year during burn season in our city. We collect abandoned Christmas trees after the holidays and then burn them in the spring. I love to stare into that gigantic fire, it's mesmerizing. And when these trees go up in a burst of flames it is wild. I can see why in olden time people thought that fire was a god. It can seem alive as it chooses it's path to burn and consumes everything it touches. It's performing a dance of destruction. I feel like the whole of the universe is put into perspective as you stare into a fire. Nothing else matters, everything disappears, and I loose myself as the fire dances.

Secret #16 Tears

I cried today in class... I'd rather not get into details about why I was crying or anything like that (you could try asking me personally if you really must know). The point is, it is extremely rare for me to shed a tear at all, but especially in front of other people. Now some of you readers might think that I'm heartless since I don't cry, but I just don't. I just handle sadness differently. I've always been this way.

Secret #15 My Song

I could not imagine a picture that could go with this post.

So first of all, it is important to understand that I do not write poetry. The few times I have were for school assignments. I do not profess to be a poet, or even a "creative writer." Most of my writing is done through papers about things that I am reading. But, through a series of circumstances, I have written a personal poem. You may not see this as a "secret," but to me it is. Here it is:

My Song

It is difficult to celebrate myself; to sing my song…
All of myself,
The big expanse of white, bursting, expanding, growing,
And the small dark knot locked away.

I am you…and yet… am I?
I am the comedian on stage, the death mourner left alone, the soldier’s wife…and soldier too.
The child playing, running, filled with immense color…
The artist, secretary, and steel worker.

I am many faces, I touch them all.
I feel them come out of me… into me.

I touch the grass and feel the universe, its massive light and feeling.
All of me is felt in that grass…almost.

What is this thing I’m looking at, feeling, touching… realizing?
Can I fully celebrate when I cannot let this go?
This hurts, its stings, I feel it hide again…and I am calm.

But I will smile… I will assume the role… I will look whole.
I will celebrate all that you see…while cherishing that knot.
~

I hope you liked it. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Secret #14 "Lookout" Point

I love going to "lookout" points. When I've had a bad day, and I just need to relax and enjoy life, I love to drive up to Squaw Peak and enjoy the scenery. I roll down the windows and feel the wind rush on my face as I drive the long winding road to the summit. Of course for me I am alone and actually enjoying scenery, unlike most people who go there; they're looking at a whole different kind of "scenery". Currently, Squaw Peak is closed because of snow, but I discovered a nice lookout point just two blocks from my apartment (photo above, and yes it is photoshopped, see Secret 6). So now, when I have writers block, or life has gotten me down, I just take my knife (just in case there's deer or wild dogs) and go walk quietly to the look-out. The walking really lets me get my creative juices flowing (no pun intended). I talk out-loud too to organize my thoughts and figure out my problems. It's very therapeutic. Every time I go I receive a cool calming peace...Oh, I also enjoy noticing all of the "makey-outers."

Secret #13 Facial Hair

Okay so this isn't the biggest secret. I love my facial hair. I hate shaving and put it off as long as possible (sometimes a bit too long). But, I just can't stand it. Even when I had jobs where I had to shave I would prolong the inevitable as long as I could. I'd go just as long as I could without it showing too much and then I shave it off. Currently I have an nice patch under my mouth and some long chops (sometimes they get too bushy when I haven't had a hair cut in a while). I'm also upset that I have only 2 months till I have to shave it all off to work at EFY...sniff, sniff...tear. But, I think I'll push through and be okay.

Secret #12 Moobs

I am so afraid of getting moobs. I know I need to work out and all, but it's hard sometimes. It's not so much that I want to be skinnier, but mostly I want to be healthier. But the moobs are another issue.