Secret #30 The Grand Finale

So I understand that I never really finished my 30 Secrets project (until today) and I want to explain what my thoughts about that were. In a strange way it turned out to be accidentaly perfect. I'll admit that for the longest time I had severe writers block and couldn't think of any secrets I was willing to divulge to the masses. I mean we all have those secrets we'd prefer to keep private, and I feel I've unloaded myself with a few secrets that were hard to let go. Anyway back to the explaination, this last secret is simply that I still have many secrets in my life. I like that about me. Secret 30 represents all the things you might be able to squeeze out of me, or random things you might discover when I feel like it. I like to think of myself as a well rounded yet interesting person and I love that people can learn something new and random about me whenever they come in contact with me. I'm often reminded by other of some crazy thing that I did once and I love that. Who cares if I remember them they are for you just as they are for me.

So, If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to have anyone who knows me and who reads this page to please leave a comment about something that I did or said or taught them that perhaps made you laugh or think or impressed you. Think of this as you adding to my secret collection. It will now be our secrets that we share with others.

p.s. the picture is suppose to represent mystery and the many sides of me, even though I'm pulling the same face in every one.

Secret # 29 Office Supplies

So it has been a while and I feel really guilty about not posting these last two secrets, but it was pointed out that my posts were getting slightly depressing. This is most likely because I usually think of these things when I'm alone and bored, which is not the best state of mind to be in. So, with that in mind I've found a happy secret that I decided to share. I am in love with office supplies. I love to fiddle with them. Tape, post-its, and paper clips are my favorite. I love taking these very simple ordinary things and creating things out of them. Sometimes is as simple as making a paper crane from a post-it or a yellow electric tape mustache. On occasion I have made more complicated creations. I once made a collection of historic figure finger puppets out of office supplies. They're small things that give me tons of joy.

Now I only have one secret left!

Secret #28 Alone

One of my biggest and most frequent fears is that my life is empty and that I will end up alone and friendless. I'm sure many people experience this fear, but I always seem to think that I feel it more than others. This may be because I am a social person and there are days when I do not see anybody that I know. Those days suck for me. Now I do not want this to be a pity party, because in some way I know I'm sort of overreacting, but I have had days when I do not even get a call or text message from anyone. This does not mean that everyday is like this, it's just that I really hate those few lonely days when they occur. I do have this feeling, however, that I am not alone in feeling alone. If you share my feeling today or any day, just give me a call or text and I will see what I can do for you.

Secret #27 Joke Snob

So I've always enjoyed being a funny person (even if it is just me laughing at my jokes), and I'm pretty proud of my sense of humor; For instance, I find it the greatest compliment when I say something funny and people ask me where that joke was from. I just tell them it came from me. But, one of my biggest annoyances is when I've said something funny and someone repeats it, and then they are the ones who get the credit for my joke.

Secret #26 Shhh

I really shouldn't be posting this as a secret, but I've sort of run out of secrets to give. I have four more after this and I really don't know what they will be. You should know that when I started this project I only had about five secrets planned. I've done those five and more have come to me, but right now I cannot think of a single secret to write. Most likely this is just writers block. It's a challenge to think of 30 secrets about yourself with pictures to represent them, but I've tried. This isn't my first bit of secret writers block, so I'm not too worried about it. I always end up thinking of some secret later on. Plus I only have four more to go.

Secret #25 Podcasts

I listen to probably 2 hours of podcasts a day. I use them to stay informed about the world and what is going on in it. It's better than reading a newspaper. I use my ipod for podcasts more than for listening to music. Most of my listening occurs when I'm driving alone. I've learned a lot and I feel like a well rounded person because of it, and the best part is that they're all free from itunes. Some of my favorite pocasts are:
This American Life
NPR: Fresh Air
NPR: Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
PRI: Selected Shorts
The Moth Podcast
New Yorker: Fiction

Secret #24 May

May is my unlucky month. It seems that every year in May I have a lot of problems: either something bad happens, or what I have planned that month falls through. I specifically noticed this trend when I bought my first car. I bought it in May and it didn't make it out of that month before I had a $750 repair I had to make. Now every year I have to take my car in for registration, and every year there is something that needs to be fixed, and every year I have to struggle with the money to pay the repairs. It's not just the car has problems. My plans seems to often fall through in May. I don't know what it is about this month in particular, but I do know that I have already started to see the bad luck of May. I just hope I can make it to June. Everything is much better in June.

Secret #23 Dr Pepper

Hey, sorry it's been a while. I was stressed with finals, then after finals I just didn't want to write anything anymore (since I wrote like 50 pages of stuff for school in the last two weeks), but I'm back now.

Dr Pepper is the only soda pop that I truly enjoy drinking. (I may be addicted) I've gone through spurts where I've enjoyed other soda's (Welch's Grape, Sunkist, and Ruby Red Squirt), but I always come back to my Dr Pepper. The amazing thing about Dr P is that it has no taste...that's right; you heard me. Instead, it has a delicious after taste. When you drink it, see if you taste the soda. then, wait just a second afterwards and opp...there it is, cool smooth deliciousness. That's what makes Dr P so great. My brother is trying to get me to drink Diet Dr Pepper, but I feel like the diet and the Dr P aftertastes would compete with each other and I just don't want that. So, I stick to what I love, the original Dr P.

Secret #22 Bookstore

Every time I go to Barnes and Noble I take a deep breath and inhale that lovely new book smell and say, "Oh, if I could live in a bookstore my whole life, I would." and I mean it. I love going to the bookstore. Usually I do one of two things. Either I will find a book or two really quick and grab a chair and read for a bit (these are usually short books or graphic novels or humor books), or I will spend time browsing through all the books and taking pictures with my camera phone of the ones I'm considering buying. The pictures allow me to think about the books for a few days and if I still want it I will buy it or add it to my amazon wish list. Anyway, I usually end up spending 2 to 3 hours and no money in the store. I just love the smell, feel, and experience of brand new books. Libraries just cannot compete for me.

p.s. the books in the pictures are all books that I would love to have.

Secret #21 Head Gear

I hate wearing hats! (let alone bandannas) I hate how they ruin your hair, how they make your head so hot, and how bad they look on me. I've just never loved having something on my head. I only wear them to protect my head from sunburns. (I often forget to even wear it for those) Now, people tell me that I look okay with a hat, but I cannot stand to put them on... Oh and I forgot that when I wear my Tilly hat I look even more like my dad. In fact, one time I was going to a family picnic and some of my nieces and nephews came running for me saying, "look! It's Grandpa! Grandpa's here." It sort of freaked me out.

Secret #20 My Dad

My Father intrigues me so much. I wish I could observe him in his natural setting without having to engage him. I'd be like that women who studied gorillas (I forgot her name), just weirder. Now, do not get me wrong, I think he is one of the greatest men that I know, but he is also one of the most peculiar. He has so many quirks. For instance, he rarely wears shoes. Usually he walks around in socks and sandals. And unlike me, he is a natural introvert and can spend a lot of time by himself and not mind. He sometimes does the strangest things though....oh the stories I could tell. He is so weird, but I love him anyway.

p.s. I'm going on a vacation for the weekend. I'll be back soon.

Secret #19 Wipers

I cannot stand the sound that windshield wipers make when the windshield is not wet. It is my biggest personal pet peeve when driving. I would rather wait till the windshield is wet enough and then wipe manually than depend on my automated wipers to do the job for me. It is one of the top three worst sounds in the world. It's up there with scratching chalkboards and rubbing Styrofoam together. Ugh! Just thinking about those sounds gives me the chills.

Secret #18 Secret Secrets

"Secret secrets are no fun...Secret secrets hurt someone"

So I've been hesitant to put this out there, but I feel I need to confess that I am extremely bugged that hardly anyone comments on my blog. I understand that it's easy to just read the blog and think about it and go on with your life, but I feel left out when you do that. I'm not only bothered by the lack of comments, but I'm developing this paranoia about whether people are even reading the blog or not. I feel like I have to instigate talk about my blog, even with people I know who've read it. Now, I want to thank those who have commented and those I've talked to. I appreciate you. I guess I was hoping this would be more of a conversation piece than it turned out to be. Anyway, I feel a little awkward having now posted this....but I guess I am that vain.

Secret #17 Fire

For those of you who don't know, my family loves to have a huge bonfire every year during burn season in our city. We collect abandoned Christmas trees after the holidays and then burn them in the spring. I love to stare into that gigantic fire, it's mesmerizing. And when these trees go up in a burst of flames it is wild. I can see why in olden time people thought that fire was a god. It can seem alive as it chooses it's path to burn and consumes everything it touches. It's performing a dance of destruction. I feel like the whole of the universe is put into perspective as you stare into a fire. Nothing else matters, everything disappears, and I loose myself as the fire dances.

Secret #16 Tears

I cried today in class... I'd rather not get into details about why I was crying or anything like that (you could try asking me personally if you really must know). The point is, it is extremely rare for me to shed a tear at all, but especially in front of other people. Now some of you readers might think that I'm heartless since I don't cry, but I just don't. I just handle sadness differently. I've always been this way.

Secret #15 My Song

I could not imagine a picture that could go with this post.

So first of all, it is important to understand that I do not write poetry. The few times I have were for school assignments. I do not profess to be a poet, or even a "creative writer." Most of my writing is done through papers about things that I am reading. But, through a series of circumstances, I have written a personal poem. You may not see this as a "secret," but to me it is. Here it is:

My Song

It is difficult to celebrate myself; to sing my song…
All of myself,
The big expanse of white, bursting, expanding, growing,
And the small dark knot locked away.

I am you…and yet… am I?
I am the comedian on stage, the death mourner left alone, the soldier’s wife…and soldier too.
The child playing, running, filled with immense color…
The artist, secretary, and steel worker.

I am many faces, I touch them all.
I feel them come out of me… into me.

I touch the grass and feel the universe, its massive light and feeling.
All of me is felt in that grass…almost.

What is this thing I’m looking at, feeling, touching… realizing?
Can I fully celebrate when I cannot let this go?
This hurts, its stings, I feel it hide again…and I am calm.

But I will smile… I will assume the role… I will look whole.
I will celebrate all that you see…while cherishing that knot.
~

I hope you liked it. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Secret #14 "Lookout" Point

I love going to "lookout" points. When I've had a bad day, and I just need to relax and enjoy life, I love to drive up to Squaw Peak and enjoy the scenery. I roll down the windows and feel the wind rush on my face as I drive the long winding road to the summit. Of course for me I am alone and actually enjoying scenery, unlike most people who go there; they're looking at a whole different kind of "scenery". Currently, Squaw Peak is closed because of snow, but I discovered a nice lookout point just two blocks from my apartment (photo above, and yes it is photoshopped, see Secret 6). So now, when I have writers block, or life has gotten me down, I just take my knife (just in case there's deer or wild dogs) and go walk quietly to the look-out. The walking really lets me get my creative juices flowing (no pun intended). I talk out-loud too to organize my thoughts and figure out my problems. It's very therapeutic. Every time I go I receive a cool calming peace...Oh, I also enjoy noticing all of the "makey-outers."

Secret #13 Facial Hair

Okay so this isn't the biggest secret. I love my facial hair. I hate shaving and put it off as long as possible (sometimes a bit too long). But, I just can't stand it. Even when I had jobs where I had to shave I would prolong the inevitable as long as I could. I'd go just as long as I could without it showing too much and then I shave it off. Currently I have an nice patch under my mouth and some long chops (sometimes they get too bushy when I haven't had a hair cut in a while). I'm also upset that I have only 2 months till I have to shave it all off to work at EFY...sniff, sniff...tear. But, I think I'll push through and be okay.

Secret #12 Moobs

I am so afraid of getting moobs. I know I need to work out and all, but it's hard sometimes. It's not so much that I want to be skinnier, but mostly I want to be healthier. But the moobs are another issue.

Secret #11 Design

So many don't know this but I love looking at the design and decor of homes and apartments. Ikea is one of my favorite stores because it often blends New Age looks with a Natural flare. It may sound kind of gay but I really love it. I subscribe to a few blogs that really let me see whats interesting and cool. Most of the items on these blogs are either way too "out there" or too expensive. But occasionally there is that item I see that I just love and want. Above are two examples. If I just had a little money I would totally get these for my apt. the wheels are 80 dollars for eleven vinyl wheels in different colors. And the squares are 60 dollars for 12. I got them from this website:

http://www.loxii.com/index.php?act=17

and they have some other cool things. Anyway it's fun to dream at least.