Compassion for the Self

My perspective of myself had changed lately. The other day I was driving to school filled with all my worries and saying to myself how much I hated my life right now. Suddenly a spoken line came into my mind from a song I had listened to a week before. It says, “So I was sitting at the bar and this guy came up to me and said ‘my life stinks’ and I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way that he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know…what a good looking face, and I just said ‘dude, your perspective on life sucks!’” (Blame it on the Girls---Mika). I realized that my perspective on life sucks. I had been dwelling in self pity instead of giving myself a break---Finals week can do that to you---I really do have so much to offer the world. I've come to realize I don’t need to lump negativity on myself. I’m beginning to allow myself to work out the issues that have been bothering me instead of letting them fester. But the biggest change I’ve made is simply not allowing me to think the phrase “I hate my life” or “my life sucks.” I don’t really mean them anyway, they just became a habit. This small difference has changed my outlook and actions. I’m beginning to tackle issues instead of worrying about them. I really am making a change in my perspective.

Laughter- The Best Medicine

I don’t know why, but I’ve always gotten great pleasure from chaotic or frustrating circumstances. For example, when I was a child and I had done something wrong, my mother would find me and explain what I did and how it had hurt others Instead of being scared, defiant, or sorrowful as most other children would, I would laugh. This may sound crazy, and I don’t know exactly what I was thinking at the time, but there was something about the situation that always made me laugh. Don’t for an instance assume that I didn't regret what I had done, or that I found pleasure in my disobedient actions. It just that, in that moment when my mom was frustrated and mad, and the chaos of the situation was overwhelming everyone and everything, I couldn't help but laugh. Instinctively I'd find anything in the moment to find funny and have a good time with it. My mom would get so frustrated when I did this. She'd yell at me, "Don't laugh when I'm trying to punish you!" which of course, made me laugh even harder. Obviously I have grown up since then, but I have still retained that ability in the face of chaos to laugh in order to cope with the situation.

Unconditional Love

I'm reading The Maytrees by Annie Dillard and she quotes a poem that really stuck out to me. As the character Lou looks into her son's eyes these words come to her mind. I thought they were very beautiful and poignant.


"...if I don't talk about your hair, your lips, your eyes,
still your face that I keep within my heart,
the sound of your voice that I keep within my mind,
the days of September rising in my dreams,
give shape and colour to my words, my sentences,
whatever theme I touch, whatever thought I utter."
-CP Cavafy, December, 1903


I just thought I'd share it with y'all. Hope you enjoy it.